Vault

I think it was you who clued me into the vibrant Surge community? Right? I think? And how they were sad that Surge is gone from all our lives? How their day-to-day just wasn’t quite as xtreme as it used to be? And that now they’re looking to Vault, the new greenish Coke product, as Surge’s second coming? And then we both tried some Vault and immediately forgot about it, so much so that we couldn’t even do a little writeup here?

Point being I got another bottle to refresh my memory and the reviews are in: Basically Foul. I was all set to enjoy it with my lunch today and it kind of put a damper on the whole affair. I had to really gird myself each time I took a sip. The real problem is we already have Mountain Dew, and Mountain Dew got its hooks in me at an early age, before I knew any better. (See also: Bosom Buddies, the Leppard.) So even though its flavor could also be fairly described as ureteric, I’m used to it and enjoy its hi-caff, lo-carb[onation], smooth-drinkin ways.

I mean I understand that Coke wants to get a piece of the fertile Dew market, but this knockoff just makes me want to go back to the original. Vault is a little more bitter than Mountain Dew, a little more orange-y, and it makes my heart palpitate alarmingly. Seriously, I’ve got chest discomfort with lightheadedness, sweating, nausea, and/or shortness of breath. Pain is spreading to the shoulders, neck, or arms. The pain is mild to intense.

2 thoughts on “Vault”

  1. Here’s the Save Surge community. I love that name. “Save” implies that there’s some hope, that Surge was only recently axed, not that it disappeared completely 6 years ago. But Surge was really very good. Way ahead of its time.
    And I recently either had Vault or MDX, but I’m not sure which one it was. It was bad, but that doesn’t narrow it down. And I’m not really interested in exploring the issue any further anyway. There’s other shit to drink.

  2. Oh man. I was at a summer program for high school kids a year or two ago at Duke University and they were testing Vault on us. It made my heart speed up back then too. I guess they consider that a plus, you know, in the extreme beverage community.

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