Starbucks Blackberry Green Tea Frappuccino

Oh stop it, don’t look at me like that. I patronize my local independent coffee shops PLENTY, I assure you. And besides Starbucks–on its own–has given me a lifetime’s worth of reasons to regret ever going there, so you can worry a little less about what I do with my time and worry a little more about whether you’re ever going to post another review YES I DID JUST GO THERE.

Anyways, presented herewith, reasons why I regret going to Starbucks (this time):

1) They have never handed me a drink that wasn’t sticky, and this was no exception. Oh my God. Dogg you know sticky for me is Very Bad. You know about my problems. I mean I always have hand sanitizer at the ready, but sticky is different from regular dirty, you know? Harder to get off. It usually have to go through my Cleanliness Ritual twice to get back to normal.

2) The straw they gave me had far too slim a diameter for a drink this icy. People, it’s 2006: frozen drinks require a thicker straw. Soon we will all be walking around with our genitals in our necks.

3) The blackberry is kind of a joke, just a little sugar syrup they put on top there. What’s with giving it top billing?

4) Also why does Starbucks automatically put whipped cream on everything. I know I should have realized, but it didn’t even occur to me to say “No whipped cream.” Who in their right mind thinks whipped cream tastes good with green tea? I know, people who go to Starbucks, shut up. It made no sense, and the flavors completely contradicted each other. And it’s already a cream-based drink. Adding whipped cream takes what is already the antithesis of a refreshing summer drink and paints “666” across its forehead.

The only good thing I can say is that the matcha flavor was fairly strong, which is a huge improvement over last year’s Green Tea Frappuccino, which for some reason was cut with melon flavoring. Melon. The most good-for-nothing fruit since pears.

Anyways I gave up on this early, sick of trying to get the drink to cooperate with the straw. Plus man was it heavy. I knew that once I got outside in the weather I’d feel as though I just ate a whole jar of mayonnaise. And when I got home, that’s exactly what I did.

20 thoughts on “Starbucks Blackberry Green Tea Frappuccino”

  1. Is the drink really that scary green colour shown in the picture, or is that the colour of the plastic cup? I don’t think tea should be that green. Not even green tea.
    I’m pretty sure toxic goo shouldn’t be that green.

  2. You can still get the reg. gfrap. I always ask for no whip, wasted calories and I agree that it’s already creamy enough.
    BTW, the color is wierd. I had a green tea latte a few monthes ago and it looked like the toxic stuff on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That’s yummy right there folks

  3. The blackberry modification is horrible. The original, melon-based drink is the best. It is the only thing I drink at Starbucks. Add malt powder and hold the whip cream.

  4. You are all idiots.
    1. They put blackberry flavoring in the tea, you just can’t see it. And apparently your taste is so dull, you couldn’t pick that up when you drank it.
    2. Most people like whipped cream. Starbucks advertises all their frappuccinos with whipped cream. Perhaps you missed the thousands of pictures they constantly put up. Some people are just that way. If you don’t like whipped cream, that’s perfectly fine, just tell them not to. They can’t read your mind, can they?
    Let me repeat what I said at the beginning. You’re idiots.

  5. The Blackberry Green tea frappuccino is the best!
    I love it!
    If you don’t like it, fine. More for me!

  6. i totally relate to the sticky part and i agree about starbucks and crack – i drink it so rarely but i always feel weird for hours after. yichk
    swami – you are a genius – this shit it really funny.
    “don’t hate on melon. ham will kick your ass.”

  7. I love this drink, I will agree the whipped cream is a bit over the top but I think blackberry complements the green tea, and I live in SW FL where its always very hot & humid- this drink is great! I don’t think its too heavy at all- and your breath doesn’t stink like burnt coffee when your done…

  8. the blackberry green tea frapp is a fantastic drink. i personally think it’s an ingenious combination of flavoring. sweet and smooth. try it! who cares if its sold by a huge corporation? if you haven’t noticed, those type of corporations are responsobile for the evolution of our flourishing economy. once again people are using an argument that destroys the foundation they stand on. silly.

  9. I absolutely love green tea frapp with blackberry! Yeah the whip cream can be a little over the top and sometimes they can put way too much blackberry syrup in it ( like last night!) But its honestly the only thing i’ll get at starbucks its fantastic! 😀

  10. I loved that drink. Sadly, it isn’t offered anymore. And when i asked them if they could make it, they just used the syrup instead of the flavoring powder in it.
    it was about 17,934 times as sweet as the original blackberry one.
    damn.

  11. I LOVE THE GREEN TEA FRAP. I ASK THEM ONLY TO PUT 1/2 PUMP OF MELON SO IT IS NOT SO SWEET. ( THEY USUALLY PUT 3 FULL PUMPS. )TRY IT YOU WILL LIKE IT! GET THE WHIP ON TOP BUT NEVER DRINK IT ALL (THE WHIP) BECAUSE WHEN IT MELTS DOWN IT IS WAY TO SWEET. THE ONLY THING LEFT IN THE BOTTOM OF MY CUP IS THE MELTED WHIP. GET A SMALL ITS PLENTY AND WON’T LAY HEAVY IN YOUR GUT!

  12. have you seen the damn powder we scoop into the pitchers….gross.
    it flies up in your face and you have green tea powder in your nose for days.
    the worst version is the green-tea latte. the powder is impossible to get unclumpy…
    sick product.
    great job, though.

  13. I love the drink, but my only question is why are they using powder and melon syrup vs using the Matcha concentrate? It’s basically the same thing, just pre-mixed.

  14. I never have problems with the green tea latte unless it’s iced. THEN it’s hard to get the clumps out. If you add the powder to hot water and stir the hell out of it before you add the milk, it doesn’t get clumps. For the iced version, though, we need a tiny whisk.

  15. I work at Starbuck’s, and I don’t mind the taste of green tea frapps. But since it’s made with matcha powder you kind of get the powdery texture even when it’s blended. Our beverage manual says to put whipped cream on every cream based frappuccino unless it is light.
    Green tea lattes are the crappiest things to make. When I make a hot one I always put a little hot water in with the matcha before putting the milk in.. but on the iced versions, our manual says to add everything, even the ice, and scoop the matcha powder on top and swirl it to mix it. DOESNT work.

  16. I think they do use crack in this thing because Im addicted to the green tea frap. I have gained 11 pound since I started drinking these things.

  17. I have never tried a green tea frapp as i live in England and there is a smaller selection at our starbucks. However the thought of iced green tea with whipped creams sounds disgusting.

Comments are closed.