Recently Snapple has burst–nay, arabesqued–into the marketplace with a new series of white teas. Such a display can mean only one thing: that the white tea craze was over 10 minutes ago. But still, I know what you’re thinking: you hear “Snapple” and “healthy” and “refreshing” and you think: surely, drinking this would be nothing short of magical, like if Tinkerbell–yes the Tinkerbell–came to your house, and she fluttered up above you as you tilted your head back, and she uncupped her hands, letting fall a gentle spray of angel tears, in all the colors of the rainbow, to noiselessly alight upon your tongue. At which point she would offer you the happy ending for $5 extra. Honestly, the mouth on her.
But yeah this is nothing like that. I took a sip, there was clearly something in my mouth, and I was wondering if the flavor had fallen down the front of my shirt. Basically they’re just charging extra for weak tea. It doesn’t involve sexual innuendo from Disney characters, like, at all.