Jiggedy wiggedy. I do not know what you do for fun where you live. I picture you high atop a mountain, staring glumly at the ground, bummed that you couldn’t find any dinosaur bones. How close is that to your actual deal, I wonder. But around where I live it is COUNTY FAIR SEASON. Yay for County Fairs and BOO to everything else. Tractor pulls and wood chopping contests. Demolition Derby and The Scrambler. Throw a dart and pop a balloon and win a small mirror with Bang Tango on it. Some lovely delightful little treats like Fried Twinkies and Pickle-On-A-Stick, Funnel Cake/Elephant Ears/Fried Dough and oh my God, what? What’s that? What’s the best part of the best part? Uh yes that would be Lemon Shake-Ups.
Lemon Shake-Ups, I am basically convinced at this point, are the best part of summer. You can get them at other times during the year, but you should not. Likewise you can get them at non-county-fair locales, but again you should not. Stick with what works. Stop fucking around. Just as insightful pop culture commentary belongs in an article written by Stephen King in an issue of Entertainment Weekly, so do Lemon Shake-Ups belong on the midway at the fair in the small town during the summer.
There are plenty of decent recipes on the webs for Lemon Shake-Ups (We never talk about recipes. What’s that about? You’d think we would, occasionally. Are we too butch for our own good?) but me I prefer to have mine made by an expert (ideally an old church woman or a Mexican on a TN visa).
Anyways I hope you have fairs where you live this summer, so you can go have one. I feel bad for you if you can’t. If there are no fairs where you live, maybe you could start one! I always felt there was some latent Carny in you. Explore that.
Also if anyone has any other midway fair beverage treats that they like, I would like to hear about it. You can also get Orange and Strawberry Shake-ups, but that ain’t my scene, Sizzlean.