Dag Josh I wish you had been the one writing this beview because it would have been a great opportunity for you to do one of your patented Behind The Scenes dialogue imaginariums. Like you’ve got the Microsoft/Bungie people on one side of the room, and the Mountain Dew/PepsiCo suits on the other side, all banging their noggins together and saying just the most ridiculous ideas for what kind of soda would help sell Halo 3 to gamers. I picture you writing something very hilarious. (I picture you writing SOMETHING OK that was uncalled for.)
So anyways it would be fun to imagine how that conversation went, because somewhere along the line, for some reason I cannot even begin to wrap my head around, someone decided that a good marketing campaign would center around a soda that tastes like a mouthful of Starburst-flavored condoms. And then other people OK’d that idea. And then hundreds of other people got out of bed the next morning and set to work, bringing that idea to life.
Related: I’m kind of not super excited about the next 50+ years on this planet.
Anyhooters. Halo 3 isn’t out yet, so if you want to know does this beverage make you awesome at using the gravity gun to remove Miranda Keye’s pantaloons, hold tight. I do not have that information yet. But I can tell you that after drinking this I did absolutely whale on some Super Mario Bros. 2 on the GBA. I finished the game using Luigi almost exclusively! There was just this one part where I had to use Toad b/c homey is waaay faster at picking up the Birdo eggs and I was getting mad pissy at the game. You know how I do.