Mountain Dew Limited Edition Halo 3 Game Fuel

Dag Josh I wish you had been the one writing this beview because it would have been a great opportunity for you to do one of your patented Behind The Scenes dialogue imaginariums. Like you’ve got the Microsoft/Bungie people on one side of the room, and the Mountain Dew/PepsiCo suits on the other side, all banging their noggins together and saying just the most ridiculous ideas for what kind of soda would help sell Halo 3 to gamers. I picture you writing something very hilarious. (I picture you writing SOMETHING OK that was uncalled for.)

So anyways it would be fun to imagine how that conversation went, because somewhere along the line, for some reason I cannot even begin to wrap my head around, someone decided that a good marketing campaign would center around a soda that tastes like a mouthful of Starburst-flavored condoms. And then other people OK’d that idea. And then hundreds of other people got out of bed the next morning and set to work, bringing that idea to life.

Related: I’m kind of not super excited about the next 50+ years on this planet.

Anyhooters. Halo 3 isn’t out yet, so if you want to know does this beverage make you awesome at using the gravity gun to remove Miranda Keye’s pantaloons, hold tight. I do not have that information yet. But I can tell you that after drinking this I did absolutely whale on some Super Mario Bros. 2 on the GBA. I finished the game using Luigi almost exclusively! There was just this one part where I had to use Toad b/c homey is waaay faster at picking up the Birdo eggs and I was getting mad pissy at the game. You know how I do.

8 thoughts on “Mountain Dew Limited Edition Halo 3 Game Fuel”

  1. I find it both hilarious and sad that when you wikipedia my last name, Miranda Keyes is listed as a related entry, and NOT Gary Busey’s Special Agent character in Predator 2.

  2. How did they KNOW that the Halo freaks love the Dew? Amazing.
    So is that stuff gonna give me better aim with the rocket launcher or what? Give me the sniper and the needlers but damn it I REALLY need help with the R.L.
    Do tell.

  3. @Hank that makes absolutely no fucking sense. Because I like one drink I would like a completely different one? How are you at algebra, I wonder.

  4. Kevin, I guess you’re right. I mean one is over-caffeinated, sugary, carbonated, red and marketed to nerds who play video games, and the other is over-caffeinated, sugary, carbonated, blue and marketed towards nerds who hang out in Taco Bell.
    I can’t wait for Mountain Dew to make a drink that’s marketed towards nerds who hang out in used-record stores so I can get in on the action.

  5. Yeah, I gave this beast a second try on the way back from Texas over the weekend… I really don’t think I’m gonna give it a third shot.
    Whatever that mystery fruit flavor it, it ain’t my favorite.
    As an additional punch to the crotch, I did not find any LiveWire for purchase in TX. CRUEL.

  6. sara brown is right, you’re pretty talented at this writing stuff. I think this post made me laugh out loud 4 times.
    and you’re writing about……….a silly red drink. that’s talent my friend.

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