June 6th, 2007 / by josh
7UP with Cane Sugar
When I first tore open your box of rad sodas from Homer, I have to admit my “thirst boner” took a small dive when I saw the bottle of 7UP. I was all: Why did that dude send me this pedestrian swill. I guess having it in a glass bottle is pretty novel, but whatev. In the junk drawer my brain has become, I file 7UP alongside The Eagles’ Greatest Hits – not really doing any actual harm, but not anything anyone really needs to experience again in their lifetime.
But then I took a closer look at the ingredients and my heart skipped a beat and my left arm got a little numb. This baby had straight-up sugar in it. Not a drop of high-fructose corn syrup. Is this from Mexico? Do I have to go to jail y/n.
(This was the formula 7UP should’ve rocked when they tried to pull the 100% Natural shenanigans [now sheepishly rescinded]. Keep me on speed-dial, Cadbury-Schweppes. I bring the big ideas.)
Anyway, you know how I roll, I did not hesitate to pop the cap and get up close and personal, really dig in and start a relationship.
I was surprised at how different it tasted from regular 7UP. And then I was surprised by how much I wanted to immediately stop drinking it and just have regular old 7UP. It was kind of yuck-mouth. Maybe the HFCS has been covering up the bleccchy flavor all these years and doing us a favor? Perhaps gently masking the Lemon Pledge-esque aftertaste? Maybe a lemon-lime soda was never that good an idea to begin with? I dunno, chum. The world today is not what it was yesterday.
(Note: I forgot to take a picture of the bottle, which actually has a nice, simple, restrained design, so I’m just putting up a picture of a pretty lady for now.)
8 Comments
June 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
One free bottle of 7UP with Cane Sugar to the commenter who makes the best joke at the expense of Josh’s thirst boner.
June 6th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Also while we’re on the subject: 7UP is my least favorite in this genre. For me it goes Sierra Mist, then Sprite, then 7UP. Although it needs be said that I will choose a cola or cola variant over lemon-lime, any old day.
June 6th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I thought it was a typo. I figured he meant “thirst for boner.”
June 6th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Bubble-Up is, was, and forever shall be the King of all uncolas
June 7th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Small dive? More like very small dive.
June 7th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
FYI, thirstboner.com is still available. But surely not for long!!!!
June 7th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Did I win? I WANT THAT FUCKING FREE SODA!
January 8th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
(yeah, I’m a bit late on the reply here, but smile and nod, damn it)
Actually, my tastes of the big three in this area run the same as Kevin’s, but if we’re talking the older formula of 7up (which was switched out in the mid/late 90s if I’m remembering correctly), then it would be Old 7up (damn that shit had a good bite, and pre-HFCS it would have been even better that way, as there’s no overwhelming lemon/lime taste), then Sierra Mist, and then Sprite. We’re not here to talk about lemon/lime Slice…
Either way, Sierra Mist is the closest thing I can find on the general market in comparison to old school 7up, and I’d love to actually get my hands on some of that old school 7up proper.
Just my .02.
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