All right. Fine, OK, whatever. Jesus, stop looking at me like that. It’s just that I’ve been a little sick of all the juices and sodas lately. The other night I was food shopping, lonely as a cloud in the beverage aisles, thinking The next company that tries to make me drink something cherry-vanilla’d or […]

I was going to detail my six-month bender, which I thought I’d pretty accurately documented in my “Moleskine” (a sheaf of liquor store receipts held together by a dirty purple scrunchie), but as I look over my notes here I’m starting to realize that a) they don’t correspond to reality, and b) they don’t even […]

Josh, have I told you what my new favorite soda is? Oh man. It’s totally Smirnoff Triple Black Ice. Shit is for real.
It’s starring in a movie called What If Sprite Wasn’t So Boring That You Wanted To Die. All the kids are going to be drinking this stuff, is my prediction. So sweet. So […]