Fanning, I know you apologized via email for all the terrible things you did to me, and I definitely printed them all out (preserving your distinctive formatting, incl. the center-aligned text and purple Comic Sans) and put them in my “Precious Sentiments” file folder, but I don’t think I really believed you were sorry […]

So in my last review I tagged the product in question as both water and juice and although I am perfectly comfortable with the duality of existence, I feel like this has come up a few times recently so I want to discuss it with you, fella to fella.
Do you or anyone else know if […]

Had a Snapple Pink Lemonade recently. What’s the phrase I’m looking for. Pedestrian workmanship, maybe? Bursting with adequatulence? Like many Snapple flavors it’s no alarms, no surprises. I guess I like my juices a little more risky. It’s fine enough. Although halfway through drinking it I almost threw up and had to pull the car […]

Have you noticed that people who have a favorite root beer will fight and die defending its honor? I’m talking up-in-arms, straight buckwylin’, will fuck you UP if you disparage their root beer.
I intend no obloquy towards root beer lovers, so tenderly do I embrace the newness of living. But it kind of reminds me […]